22 brings new lessons and new beginnings

I have spent the last 3 years searching for the sunlight in other people. In friends. In relationships. In family. And each time someone disappointed me, they took a little bit of my light with them. But one month out of college, and a few days after turning 22, I realized something that brought me peace. I realized that through all of these experiences I’ve had, I’ve always had my light. People may have dimmed it but they never had enough power to put it out. Through every good day and bad, I’ve been the sunlight all along. Me. What a beautiful thing to realize. Now I know you weren’t expecting me to be so deep right off the bat. But I’ve been thinking about those words for a few weeks now. Recently I’ve been thinking about how best to approach this blog post. I knew I wanted to share all of the things I’ve learned in these last 4 years. I knew I’d have a lot to say, so my apologies if this is long. College had its moments. It was difficult. I did a lot of things terrified and it wasn’t until now that I realized how much that has done for me. I think the point of this post is to honestly convey that I’m not where I want to be yet, but I’m light years away from where I used to be. I just got a new job and I’ll be moving away in 2 weeks. I guess you can say that’s what pushed me to write this. I knew it would be time to start over, but before that happens I want to share a few things. I want to share how difficult but important this journey has been. These last few weeks have been exciting to say the least. I mean wow. I graduated. I entered chapter 22. I finally found the courage to put a lot of things behind me. To be honest. I learned more about myself in the last 3 days than I have in the last 3 years. I learned that life will hand us a lot of hard situations. Challenging moments. Sometimes we will see them coming and sometimes they will fall smack dab in the middle of your birthday. Regardless of when they happen, I hope you choose to keep pushing. I’m an emotional person. I care about everyone and everything from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. For a long time that felt like a curse because somehow it felt like having a big heart meant always getting the short end of the stick. But 22 feels different. This year feels like the year I stop pouring my energy into places that aren’t worth it. 22 feels like the year I learn to stop apologizing for my magic, for my light, and for my heart. If there’s one thing college taught me, it’s that the world is huge. It’s vast. It’s difficult and it’s harsh but it’s also adventurous and bright. And so are we. We are complicated beings. Life is a complicated experience. But with good people behind us, the complicated is actually not so complicated at all. My 22nd had its moments. But while sitting on a rooftop in the Delmar loop with a glass of Prosecco in my hand, I realized that I had the greatest group of women in my life, cheering for me, lifting me up, picking me up when I fall. I’m not alone. I’m not too caring. And my light is not gone. Never has been. Life is unpredictable. But what isn’t? The catch is being courageous enough to not let fear stop you. Don’t let anyone talk you out of your dreams. Don’t let anything make you question your worth. Don’t be complacent. Someone once told me when we are on the verge on giving up, we are almost always on the verge of our breakthrough as well. If you’re like me, and you look for signs every now and then to remain inspired, let this be it. You are so, so, so capable of living an extremely fulfilling life. And you will. We will. Be courageous. It will pay off and you will love yourself for it. Feel your way through every moment. This is so random but yesterday I had a thought about my kids reading this blog one day and thinking “Wow my mom is so sappy.” 😂 It’s fine. Being passionate is fabulous. Dont change.