Okay, here's my thing...
I've honestly been meaning to write this post since Thanksgiving. Going home did so much for my life and for my heart.
This semester was EXHAUSTING. Like I'm tired just thinking about it. But I did it. Actually, WE did it. I know that a lot of you are finishing up finals. I want you to know how proud I am of you. You made it through the semester.
Y'all I am halfway done with senior year. My goodness. Do you all remember when I started this blog? I was going through a break-up (God I hate those). But I survived. I remember talking to a lot of you during that time about your own lives. So I believe it's more accurate to say that we survived. We cried and ate a ton of ice cream and it was fine. I remember that semester like it was yesterday.
It's so interesting looking back on it now because I was so emotionally drained that semester yet I killed it in the classroom. I'm the kind of person who grinds relentlessly when I'm upset. I say that to say it is possible to channel your energy into something great when you're going through it. Hell maybe you should even start a blog. :)
Today I woke up at 7 a.m. and tried to convince myself to lay in bed all day. It didn't work. I started thinking about my life inspo, Steve Jobs. Steve would have already been working. Needless to say, I made it to my favorite coffee shop by 7:30. I got my usual, a cup of coffee and 3 beignets (YUM). If you've never had one, like seriously, get one or nine.
I'm in a super reflective mood, thinking about where I've been and where I'm going.
When I think about who I was when I got to college, I kind of get emotional because I'm not that person anymore. I'm still her at the core. I've just upgraded, grown, healed, and evolved into something a little different.
I'm still an avid reader. I'm still emotional as all get out (That's never going to change, it's fine). I still laugh at everything. I'm still an extremely hard worker.
But. I have changed.
I can now manage stress better. I don't hold on to people who are bound to disappoint me. I know how to let go and still be okay after the fact. I'm not afraid of change. I'm open. I don't know exactly where I'm going..... and I'm okay with that (Lordt that is growth lol). I'm SO OKAY WITH BEING ALONE (Wow do you know how much time we have to be in a relationship).
However. I do have a few things to work on.
I care too much. Like y'all, I'm sick of me lol. Here's my thing. I think caring a lot isn't a downfall. BUT, you have to find balance. You have to know what things are worth caring for. You have to protect that energy and save it for people and things that are worth it.
I'm not that best at that. In fact, I've probably spent the first three years of school caring about things that I maybe should have cared a little less about. And that's okay.
But today I've decided to actively NOT CARE. (This is big.)
Okay I obviously will still care but not an overwhelming amount. I'm going to stand firm in the belief that what is meant for me will be mine.
Moving on.
I've had a lot of friends confide in me about feeling uneasy about their worth. If you know me, you know how much that bothers me. So the last part of this post is for you all.
I'd like to start by saying I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry that a person or experience put that negative energy in your heart.
However, I need you to do me a favor.
Stop giving people the tools to break you. Stop giving the wrong situations everything needed to make you doubt your abilities.
It's hard, but it is possible.
I'm not here to pretend I know everything. In fact, a lot of this advice I should probably take myself. But I feel that though talking through it with you, maybe I can learn to be a little stronger too.
Again I don't know it all. The one thing I'm working to remind myself everyday is that while I'm not perfect, I have SO MUCH to offer the world.
We glorify pain too much. We tell people and ourselves that we have to let people hurt us and we have to let life drain us before we can be happy.
But that's stupid. Don't believe the hype.
Stay patient. Stay grounded. Let life work itself out.
You got this.